Hello！斐然文书“好文赏析”栏目继续带你阅读、赏析、学习哈佛大学录取学生的优秀文书。今天这一篇来自Bobby同学，不得不说他文学功力之深厚让文书像一篇短篇小说一般引人入胜。仔细品读，他的文书、笔法技巧一定会给你不一样的启发。
申请者背景
名字：Bobby
所在州：美国加利福尼亚州
高中：私立寄宿制学校，100名毕业生
种族：亚裔
GPA：4.0/4.0
SAT：阅读750，数学750，写作800
ACT：N/A
参加过的SAT科目考试：数学2，生物E/M，文学
课外活动：非营利组织负责人，学生报主编，文学杂志高级编辑，艺术总监，校棒球队队员
所获奖项：威廉斯图书奖，国家优秀学者奖，AP荣誉学者奖，学术艺术与写作奖区域金钥匙
专业：政府学
文书内容
Bold white rafters ran overhead, bearing upon their great iron shoulders the weight of the skylight above. Late evening rays streamed through these sprawling glass panes, casting a gentle glow upon all that they graced—paper and canvases and paintbrushes alike. As day became night, the soft luminescence of the art studio gave way to a fluorescent glare, defining the clean rectilinear lines of Dillon Art Center against the encroaching darkness. It was a studio like no other. Modern. Sophisticated. Professional.
And it was clean and white and nice.
But it just wasn't it.
Because to me, there was only one "it," and "it" was a little less than two thousand miles west, an unassuming little office building located amidst a cluster of similarly unassuming little office buildings, distinguishable from one another on the outside only by the rusted numbers nailed to each door. Inside, crude photocopies of students' artwork plastered the once white walls. Those few openings in between the tapestry of art were dotted with grubby little handprints, repurposed by some overzealous young artist as another surface for creative expression. In the middle of the room lay two long tables, each covered with newspaper, upon which were scattered dried-up markers and lost erasers and bins of unwanted colored pencils. These were for the younger children. The older artists—myself included—sat around these tables with easels, in whatever space the limited confines of the studio allowed. The instructor sometimes talked, and we sometimes listened. Most of the time, though, it was just us—children, drawing and talking and laughing and sweating in the cluttered and overheated mess of an art studio.
No, it was not so clean and not so white and not so nice. But I have drawn—rather, lived—in this studio for most of my past ten years. I suppose this is strange, as the rest of my life can best be characterized by everything the studio is not: cleanliness and order and structure. But then again, the studio was like nothing else in my life, beyond anything in which I've ever felt comfortable or at ease.
Sure, I was frustrated at first. My carefully composed sketchbooks—the proportions just right, the contrast perfected, the whiteness of the background meticulously preserved—were often marred by the frenzied strokes of my instructor's charcoal as he tried to teach me not to draw accurately, but passionately. I hated it. But thus was the fundamental gap in my artistic understanding—the difference between the surface realities that I wanted to depict, and the profound though elusive truths of the human condition that art could explore. It was the difference between drawing a man's face and using abstraction to explore his soul.
And I can't tell you exactly when or why my attitude changed, but eventually my own lines began to unabashedly disregard the rules of depth or tonality to which I had once dutifully adhered, my fervor leaving in its wake black fingerprints and smudges where once had existed unsoiled whiteness. It was in this studio that I eventually made the leap into a new realm of art—a realm in which I was neither experienced nor comfortable. Apart from surface manifestations altogether, this realm was simultaneously one of austere simplicity and aesthetic intricacy, of departure from realism and immersion in reality, of intense emotion and uninhibited expression. It was the realm of lines that could tell stories, of colors and figures that meant nothing and everything.
Indeed, it was the realm of disorder and messy studios and true art—a place where I could express the world like I saw it, in colors and strokes unrestrained by expectations or rules; a place where I could find refuge in the contours of my own chaotic lines; a place that was neither beautiful nor ideal, but real.
No, it was not so clean and not so white and not so nice.
But then again, neither is art.
The Crimson点评
Bobby的文书中最突出的地方也许就是意象的运用。他首先用意象将读者带入作品中，“傍晚的光线……投射出柔和的光芒”“艺术工作室的柔和光线”变成了“强烈刺眼的光”，使得介绍部分很出色。很快，读者就知道这篇文书的主题应该是：艺术。尽管如此，文书的开头依旧遗漏了很多信息，让读者渴望了解细节，以将Bobby留给他们的意象情景化。在文书的其余部分，Bobby运用意象使他的文书栩栩如生，比如使用“黑色的指纹和污迹”和“未经污染的白色”的表达来描述他的艺术。他还运用意象来说明他有条理的A型人格与他最终创造的抽象艺术之间的对比，一个例子是，他的素描本上“洁白的背景”被“精心保存”，但“被我老师手中的木炭疯狂的笔触损毁了”。
然而，仅凭意象并不能提供Bobby文书中具体而有力的叙述。这篇文书最吸引人的一个地方是，它写了一个成长故事，与成长小说文学中的亚流派相似，在这个故事中，人物从青年到成年的过程中在心理上发生了变化。事实上，这篇文书不仅记录了Bobby从儿童到青年的成长历程，也记录了他的艺术从有序、肤浅到抽象、意义深刻。
不过，Bobby的文书与写得好的故事的不同之处在于，它提供给读者的潜台词。尽管从表面上看，Bobby的文书探讨了他艺术的抽象性与生活其他方面的秩序性之间的对比，但同时也反映了艺术本身的历史。正如从前的艺术家鲍比的素描本中“比例恰到好处，对比完美”，文艺复兴时期的画家们也孜孜不倦地利用透视法，使作品看起来尽可能真实。正如现在的艺术家Bobby“线条开始毫不掩饰地无视深度或色调规则”，艺术也慢慢从莫奈的印象派俏皮的光线，到毕加索的立体派的方脸和波洛克表现主义的完全抽象化，越来越不在乎现实性，而更关注传达的信息。用Bobby的话来说就是，“这是画出一个人的脸和用抽象探索他的灵魂之间的区别。”
免责声明：除删去身份细节以外，文书均复制申请书原稿；原稿中的任何错误均得到保留，以保持文书的完整性。
斐然文书创始人Alvin老师评价
注意这篇文书中Bobby谈论且只谈论了一件事，那就是他对抽象艺术自我表达的学习，以及他从平日刻板严谨自我向感性、人性化自我的转变。我非常喜欢Bobby专注在讲与他选定专业（政府学）毫无关联的这件事。这体现出他在一方面深入的能力。对于他花在文学杂志或是打棒球上的时间，我并不想了解。
对于许多同学，尤其是中国学生来说，文书写Common App上的个人成就很有吸引力。注意看Bobby的文书，虽然他在艺术方面颇有成就，却选择不去提及它们，而是聚焦在他艺术之旅的心路历程。这种举措是正确的，因为你取得的成就在推荐信、活动列表等等中已经有所提及。文书更应该是个人化的，告诉考官什么造就了你这个人。一种办法就是想象，当一个招生官在和另一个招生官谈论你的时候，是否有更加让人印象深刻的方法描述你？比如“学习抽象艺术的学生Bobby”。如果能做到这样，这就可能是一篇好文书！
总结
Bobby的这篇文书是深刻的，由小处入手，在读者看来有种以小见大的魅力：从青少年成长与心智的改变折射出艺术本身历史性演变。就如招生官与Alvin老师讲的一样，我们可以学习的方面包括：
1、专注于讲述一件事：Bobby专注于讲述他学习艺术心路历程的真实成长故事。Bobby的艺术表达从有序、肤浅到抽象、意义深刻的同时，他的心智也更成熟了；
2、尽量不要选择/不要过度提及Common App上写过的所取得的成就：你的成就在推荐信、活动列表中都有啦，你应该抓紧机会在文书中给招生官留下更深刻的印象，表现独特的自我；
3、意象的运用以及其他文学笔法是加分项：Bobby是一个会写文章的人，他用意向将读者带入文章，层层推进，辞藻工整巧妙，可读性强。同学们在平时也可以多阅读英文原文书籍，学习文学化的表达。
今天的好文赏析到这里就结束啦，希望对你有所帮助！想要阅读好文赏析栏目之前的文章可以通过以下链接阅读~相信你也能写出这么棒的文书获得梦校offer！
有任何问题，欢迎找小助手玩！~（微信号：frwriting01）
